Opting Out

I don't want it. Stop asking me to opt out. Change your default to ask me to opt in. Better yet, don't even ask; I still won't want it. If I did, I'd come to you.

Vox Machina

I don't listen to computer-generated voices. Your interactive voice response system is just wasting your cycles and mine.

No, really, I don't listen to them. If you want me to pay attention, put a human on the phone.

Thanks for the Option!

If you piss me off, I'll use the toll-free phone number every time.

Upside-Down Ice Cream Cake

I love your ingenuity in using temperature variations to create an upside-down ice cream cake that looks like a funnel, but I'd rather not have to clean the freezer again.

Put the lid on tightly.

Put the container in the freezer with the lid side facing up. That's called the top of the container. The opposite side, called the bottom, is what faces down.

Oh, and down is in the direction of your feet.

Didn't I Say That Already?

What part of _______________________ did you not understand?

Putting the Empty Box Back on the Shelf

Was there a particular reason we're saving the empty box of cereal?

Using the Maximum Strength Glue on the Price Tag

I see you're worried that someone might accidentally swap the tag on this over-priced good for one not as over-priced.

But now I've bought it, and there's this sticky spot on my cocktail glasses that makes it look like I shop at the dollar store.

Did I mention it's sticky?

Less Than Absorbent Towels

Towels have a purpose: to dry things. If the towel doesn't absorb liquids, I might as well just use it to wipe my ass.

Consuming Mass Quantities

Was there a reason we have six containers of Philadelphia Low-Fat Cream Cheese with Chives?

Don't Even Bother

Admit that you are unable to load a dishwasher without pissing me off, and just leave the dishes neatly stacked on the counter.

No, not in the sink: on the counter.

Oh, come on, just stack them. Didn't your parents buy you any stacking toys when you were a child?

Closing the Lid

Due to height limits on the refrigerator shelves, it is acceptable to store containers of liquids on their side -- provided that the lid is completely sealed.

Parking in the Path of Least Resistance

Parking your bike right in front of the door, and dropping your bags right inside the door are not acceptable, and constitute a hazard to your health -- as soon as I can figure out which one of you did it.