Admit Your Mistakes

OK, who put the broken coffee cup away without washing it?

Upside-Down Ice Cream Cake

I love your ingenuity in using temperature variations to create an upside-down ice cream cake that looks like a funnel, but I'd rather not have to clean the freezer again.

Put the lid on tightly.

Put the container in the freezer with the lid side facing up. That's called the top of the container. The opposite side, called the bottom, is what faces down.

Oh, and down is in the direction of your feet.

Putting the Empty Box Back on the Shelf

Was there a particular reason we're saving the empty box of cereal?

Using the Maximum Strength Glue on the Price Tag

I see you're worried that someone might accidentally swap the tag on this over-priced good for one not as over-priced.

But now I've bought it, and there's this sticky spot on my cocktail glasses that makes it look like I shop at the dollar store.

Did I mention it's sticky?

Don't Even Bother

Admit that you are unable to load a dishwasher without pissing me off, and just leave the dishes neatly stacked on the counter.

No, not in the sink: on the counter.

Oh, come on, just stack them. Didn't your parents buy you any stacking toys when you were a child?

Closing the Lid

Due to height limits on the refrigerator shelves, it is acceptable to store containers of liquids on their side -- provided that the lid is completely sealed.

Parking in the Path of Least Resistance

Parking your bike right in front of the door, and dropping your bags right inside the door are not acceptable, and constitute a hazard to your health -- as soon as I can figure out which one of you did it.

Bent Spoons

OK, who bent the spoons?! Now they don't nest.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Whoever named Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder was either being witty or obtuse, as it is an attempt to restore order to the world.

Having to Clear the Table Before Setting It

Couldn't do that after the meal was over, eh?

Overstuffed Garbage Bags

Because it was just too much work to keep everything all in the bag, right?

The Gap Between the Countertop and the Stove

So that's where the [insert something you were cooking last year] went.

Mixing Waste and Recyclables

You're thinking, "Aw, that's sweet; he cares about the environment."

No, I just can't stand picking trash out of the box of recyclables. Not only do my hands get dirty, but it takes longer to put the trash out.

Just put the trash in the trash can, and not the recycling bin.

Using the Top of the Clothes Dryer for Storage

While I have a penchant for covering every horizontal surface with piles, some surfaces have specific roles. The space next to the sink, for example, is for dishes. The space on top of the dryer is for folding the clean clothes.

Liquids in the Garbage Can

OK, who dumped their orange juice in the trash?

Tags Sticking out of the Pillowcase

There's no cozier feeling than crawling into bed, laying your head on the pillow, and scratching your eye on the tag.

Is it that hard to put the tag end in the pillowcase first?

Trash in the Sink

I expect to have to clean a small bit of food from the bottom of the sink after the water drains, but paper napkins? Full plates of food? Old magazines? Is the garbage can not right next to the sink?

Ripped Wrapping Paper

My grandfather cut the tape on his presents with his pocket knife. I use the edge of my thumbnail. Ripping it? Out of the question.

Failure to Sort the Utensils

The knives go in the knife slot. The teaspoons go in the teaspoon slot. The tablespoons go in the tablespoon slot. The dinner forks go in the dinner fork slot. Guess where the salad forks go.

When The Light Switch is Up but the Lights are Off

The switch is up (or depressed); the circuit is closed; the lights are on.

The switch is down (or out); the circuit is open; the lights are off.