Hair Left in the Shower

It's almost like bathing in a mud puddle.

Rube Goldberg's Software

Was this overly complex design really necessary? Or did you just think that introducing abstraction qua abstraction would eliminate inefficiencies just by being abstract?

Toilets Which Have Not Been Flushed

I like a clean bowl.

Leftover Time on the Microwave

Couldn't wait for the microwave to finish the last 2 seconds, could you? Had to open the door before the timer went off, didn't you?

Fine.

I can live with that.

But leaving those seconds left on the timer, when you could clear them? That drives me nuts.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder

Whoever named Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder was either being witty or obtuse, as it is an attempt to restore order to the world.

Facebook

Socially speaking, it's just fine and dandy, and a great way to reconnect with those people you've not spoken to in years.

Technically, it's a steaming pile of dog turds.

Recurrent Windows Notification Pop-Ups

One minute later: "A new program is available that will begin installation in 10 hours 39 minutes."

The Expectation that Electronic Mail is a Real-Time Communications Medium

Let me get this straight.

Instead of simply calling me about this urgent request, you had to fax it, e-mail it, send me an instant message, and post an update on my Facebook wall. And then you had the nerve to call me to see if I had finished it yet?

Guess what: I just moved your e-mail to the bottom of the pile. I'll get to it when I can.

The Outlook Calendar

It's not quite fair to devote an entire category of complaints to products made by Microsoft, so I won't, but they are SO ANNOYING. Nor would it be correct to lump all of the products or features into a single post, since they are SO ANNOYING in such specific ways.

I have trouble referring to Microsoft Outlook as anything but Ouchlook. This moment's annoyance is a peculiar feature of the Ouchlook calendar:

Click on "day" to view a single day. It shows Monday. WTF? I don't want to see Monday, I want to see today.

Idiots.

Silverfish

I heard that they eat books, and that was enough for me.

Fog Lights

Let me guess: No one ever told you the reason they are called fog lights.

Braking in the Curve

If you can't take the curves, get out of my lane.

(By the way, here's a hint: follow the line in the direction you're turning. That is, if you're turning left, keep your eye on the line to your left, and vice versa.)

Overly Familiar Bulk Mail

William --

I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for the outstanding work you've been doing as part of Organizing for America's Final March for Reform. I can tell you that your voice is heard in Washington every day. I see how your efforts are moving us toward victory.

....

Thank you for making it possible,

President Barack Obama

Short-Term Memory Loss

What did I come here for?

Inappropriate Toilet Usage

The toilet is for waste matter, in liquid or solid form, resulting from consumption of food and beverages. Other liquids, such as water, may be disposed of in the toilet if they will not harm the septic or sewer systems.

It is not for Popsicle sticks, Legos, golfballs, baseballs, small furry animals*, G. I. Joe, dust bunnies, or the giant pile of hair recently pulled from your brush.



* goldfish are permitted

Falling Asleep on the Couch

I will be working late -- perhaps reading e-mail or documentation, or writing scripts. I'll be in my accustomed spot on the right side of the couch with the laptop warming my lap. Perhaps I might even be making progress. Then as soon as I have to wait for longer than 30 seconds, I fall fast asleep.

Because I was working late, on the couch, when I should have stopped hours ago and gone to bed.

The Sound of the Fan in My Laptop

I can hear you!

The fan is louder than my dishwasher, than my refrigerator, than the incessant hum from the cathode-ray tube in the television set -- and almost louder than my children.

Self-Deception

Daylight Saving Time does nothing of the sort.



Note: This post was scheduled to be published at the change of the clock. Blogger says,

Because of a daylight savings time shift on the date entered, the time entered does not exist.

Leaky Faucets

You left the bathroom water dripping Sylvia
Into the sink it's drip, drip, dripping Sylvia
It's so annoying all that dripping Sylvia
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The bathroom sink is overflowing Sylvia
Because the dripping keeps on going Sylvia
It will not stop the drip and drop we'll need a mop
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Oh Sylvia the situation's such a pain
The water keeps on dripping and the problem here is very plain
The drops won't all fit down the drain

The house is getting irrigated Sylvia
And I am getting irritated Sylvia
I see it pour down on the floor and out the door
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The water's running down the street oh Sylvia
It's soaking everybody's feet oh Sylvia
The mess you're making is complete so Sylvia
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The city's flooded it's all wet dear Sylvia
The citizen's are quite upset here Sylvia
The future's grim our chances slim we'll have to swim,
Please turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Oh Sylvia the situation's looking dark
The water keeps on dripping our new next door neighbor is a shark
We better call up Noah's ark

The whole wide world is underwater Sylvia
I just ran into Neptune's daughter Sylvia
And all the fish go splash and splish I really wish
You'd turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Lyrics: Richard Perlmutter
Music: Pizzicato from the Ballet Sylvia by Delibes
© 2002 Radio Play Music, ASCAP

When the Measuring Cup Falls in the Pancake Batter

I was hoping not to have to wash my hands again.

Wet Sponges in the Sink

That cold, wet sponge lying in the sink harbors bacteria. Not only do I have to pick it up, and squeeze it out, but do you really want me to wash the dishes with it?

Having to Clear the Table Before Setting It

Couldn't do that after the meal was over, eh?

The Last Tissue Sticking to the Bottom of the Trash Can

Ugh.

Half of a Container

We just bought these containers yesterday. How is it that there are no tops?

Books in the Trash

That's just wrong.

Overstuffed Garbage Bags

Because it was just too much work to keep everything all in the bag, right?

Unread Message Counts

Yes, I know I haven't read it all. No, I'm not going to get to it this week. I probably won't get to it NEXT YEAR. Have you seen the giant pile of books next to my bed?

Seriously, I don't need the computer telling me that I haven't read 90% of the Internet. Just get rid of the unread count. Thanks.

The Gap Between the Countertop and the Stove

So that's where the [insert something you were cooking last year] went.

Missing Basic Research Skills

Perhaps the libraries should teach people how to use dig, whois, ping, traceroute, and Google in addition to showing them how to find things in the card catalog.

Shared Printers

Don't just leave the printed output on the table next to the printer, jackass: Put it with the rest of my printouts. And if you're going to bother using the sorter on the wall, take a few seconds more to actually sort it.

Didn't you guys learn how to sort in kindergarten?

Mixing Waste and Recyclables

You're thinking, "Aw, that's sweet; he cares about the environment."

No, I just can't stand picking trash out of the box of recyclables. Not only do my hands get dirty, but it takes longer to put the trash out.

Just put the trash in the trash can, and not the recycling bin.

Predicting the Future

"When will you have it done?"

It will be done when it's done.

"When?"

Later. Stop asking me.

Poorly Lit Cinematography

If I wanted to watch a film of a dark room, I'd turn off the TV.