Overly Familiar Bulk Mail

William --

I wanted to take a moment to thank you directly for the outstanding work you've been doing as part of Organizing for America's Final March for Reform. I can tell you that your voice is heard in Washington every day. I see how your efforts are moving us toward victory.

....

Thank you for making it possible,

President Barack Obama

Short-Term Memory Loss

What did I come here for?

Inappropriate Toilet Usage

The toilet is for waste matter, in liquid or solid form, resulting from consumption of food and beverages. Other liquids, such as water, may be disposed of in the toilet if they will not harm the septic or sewer systems.

It is not for Popsicle sticks, Legos, golfballs, baseballs, small furry animals*, G. I. Joe, dust bunnies, or the giant pile of hair recently pulled from your brush.



* goldfish are permitted

Falling Asleep on the Couch

I will be working late -- perhaps reading e-mail or documentation, or writing scripts. I'll be in my accustomed spot on the right side of the couch with the laptop warming my lap. Perhaps I might even be making progress. Then as soon as I have to wait for longer than 30 seconds, I fall fast asleep.

Because I was working late, on the couch, when I should have stopped hours ago and gone to bed.

The Sound of the Fan in My Laptop

I can hear you!

The fan is louder than my dishwasher, than my refrigerator, than the incessant hum from the cathode-ray tube in the television set -- and almost louder than my children.

Self-Deception

Daylight Saving Time does nothing of the sort.



Note: This post was scheduled to be published at the change of the clock. Blogger says,

Because of a daylight savings time shift on the date entered, the time entered does not exist.

Leaky Faucets

You left the bathroom water dripping Sylvia
Into the sink it's drip, drip, dripping Sylvia
It's so annoying all that dripping Sylvia
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The bathroom sink is overflowing Sylvia
Because the dripping keeps on going Sylvia
It will not stop the drip and drop we'll need a mop
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Oh Sylvia the situation's such a pain
The water keeps on dripping and the problem here is very plain
The drops won't all fit down the drain

The house is getting irrigated Sylvia
And I am getting irritated Sylvia
I see it pour down on the floor and out the door
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The water's running down the street oh Sylvia
It's soaking everybody's feet oh Sylvia
The mess you're making is complete so Sylvia
Go turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

The city's flooded it's all wet dear Sylvia
The citizen's are quite upset here Sylvia
The future's grim our chances slim we'll have to swim,
Please turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Oh Sylvia the situation's looking dark
The water keeps on dripping our new next door neighbor is a shark
We better call up Noah's ark

The whole wide world is underwater Sylvia
I just ran into Neptune's daughter Sylvia
And all the fish go splash and splish I really wish
You'd turn the water off and stop the drip, drip, dripping Sylvia

Lyrics: Richard Perlmutter
Music: Pizzicato from the Ballet Sylvia by Delibes
© 2002 Radio Play Music, ASCAP