Interactive Voice Response Systems

No, I don't want to talk to any of your God damned computers. Get me a real fucking person.

The Mechanism Used to Raise and Lower the Blinds

Pull. Pull. Pull. Yank. Break. Leave them down in disgust.

Brown Playdoh

It didn't start out brown; it only became brown after you squished all the colors together.

I suppose now you'll be wanting some red and white so you can make pink.

Daytime Running Lights

It's daytime.

Puddles in the House

And this is supposed to impress me how?

Failure to Sort the Utensils

The knives go in the knife slot. The teaspoons go in the teaspoon slot. The tablespoons go in the tablespoon slot. The dinner forks go in the dinner fork slot. Guess where the salad forks go.

When The Light Switch is Up but the Lights are Off

The switch is up (or depressed); the circuit is closed; the lights are on.

The switch is down (or out); the circuit is open; the lights are off.